This morning I decided to have some cereal for breakfast. I chose one of my current favorites, Lucky Charms. While some people eat Oreos in funny ways, I eat Lucky Charms differently than most. I pour a bowl of cereal, and before I add the milk, I eat all the marshmallows first. Then I eat the rest with milk. I’ve done this hundreds of times since I first ate Lucky Charms in 2001, all with very satisfying (and tasty) results…..until today.
On this day, as I opened the new box and watched the cereal flow into my customary big blue bowl I bought at Christmas Tree Shop, I had to mentally pinch myself to see if I was merely having a horrible nightmare or if this was really happening. The blasted marshmallows were less than miniscule! What happened? Did the guy from Beetlejuice sprinkle Shrinking-Head stuff on the marshmallows? They were tiny!!! I looked at the front of the box, and sure enough, it said “now with more mini marshmallows!”. Not only was I not as excited as the box indicated I should be, but I was downright pissed off! How could they do this? Take a magnificent cereal and then shrink the part responsible for 99% of its magnificence? There may have been more marshmallows, but there was far less overall marshmallow mass. I tried to eat the cereal as I had always done in the past, picking out each marshmallow, but it was no use. They were just too small. It wasn’t the same. I sadly reached for the milk and for the first time, ate the marshmallows WITH the rest of the cereal. I’m sad to report that it’s not nearly as fulfilling an experience as eating Lucky Charms MY way.
They should rename them Unlucky Charms because receiving such small marshmallows in ones cereal seems like a very unlucky thing. It’s like being fed one molecule of the best steak ever made, or being forced to clip only one toenail. Needless to say it was an overwhelmingly underachieving experience for me.
On a similarly different note, has anybody noticed that half-gallon containers of ice cream are now tiny as well? I picked up a carton of Breyer’s Ice Cream (not my favorite), and it almost slipped right between my fingers! The base was narrower than the top on all 4 sides, and it was thin….really thin. It no longer contains a half gallon. It still costs the same as a half gallon, but you only get three-quarters of a half gallon (or 1.5 quarts). At first I felt like Breyer’s couldn’t get away with this and people wouldn’t be dumb enough for them to pull off their not-so-clever scheme to make more money. But then I looked around and saw that ALL of the brands had 1.5-quart containers instead of the old standard of 2 quarts. I had heard of cracker companies having smaller packages, or simply putting less product in each package, but I hadn’t seen this coming. This is collusion! This is blaspheme! This is an outrage! Somebody do something!!!!
Changes like this will bring about the demise of our society, and for obvious reasons.
Friday, June 12, 2009
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